Feelings vs Thoughts

One can use the heart to feel so much that they take nothing from the thoughts to decide on something. One can use their mental thoughts so much that nothing they feel can decide a thing in life. Both neither one can live when both see life in such a contrast. Clashes in every step of life from every moment to every decision. Difficulty that seemed like a dead end to every dream shaped in the thoughts. Hopeless feeling and the impossible formed, slowly leeching away the every little love there is. The one that uses the heart, crumbles as the one who uses the mind, slowly doing what seemed logical, coldly. Such undefined torture. It is hard to let the mind control the feelings just as it is hard for the mind to let the feelings out. Just unlucky the infinite battle of feelings vs thoughts will always be there in ones' mind and heart.

Wished

Summer is here and winter had passed. I got to say you are still there, still deep inside there. Good bye seemed to be a useless word. Moving on seemed like a numbing sentence to me. Missing you deep down inside. The refusal of showing the truth to the world can be such a lie to many faces. Such memories to me perhaps nothing to you. Even if it's something, you refuse to break the unbreakable wall. Wished you would try harder. Wished you would always come back. Wished that i am not the only one here hoping to see something still. Wished you would tell me. Wished you were the one. Wished you could feel me. Wished you could understand me. Wished you were blunt and passionate. Wished you and I can be one. Wished for so much but everything is just about you...

Blue blue sky

I see blue sky when i walk,
My head will be staring at it,
As i walk,
i think,
think so deeply wondering what is going through a mind like mine,
N realized that the song in my earphones will determine it,
Konayuki or american flightless bird or 21 guns tomorrow? or perhaps something new?
One never know but i certainly want to be free,
Hopefully soon i will put a new song into my mp3 and see the sky differently.

Ps. O lord, please let the sky be blue tomorrow =) 24/08/2009

Wishing

Wishing hard, very hard for something that is definitely impossible or almost impossible. Hoping that every dream is true and real. Wondering your real thoughts of life. Wishing you back every moment of life knowing you will never be back again...memories to feed the never lasting dream

Kau Ilhamku ~ MAMBAI

Beribu bintang dilangit
Kini menghilang
Meraba aku dalam kelam
Rembulan mengambang
Kini makin suram
Pudar ilhamku tanpa arah

Sedetik wajahmu muncul
Dalam diam
Ada kerdipan ada sinar
Itukah bintang ataupun rembulan
Terima kasih kuucapkan

Izinkan kumencuri bayangan wajahmu
Izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
Maafkanlah oh...
Andai lagu ini
Mengganggu ruangan hidupmu
Kau senyumlah oh...
Sekadar memori
Kita di arena ini
Kau ilhamku
Kau ilhamku...

~Found.Loss.Hold.Release~

You found some,
Grab some and scattered around,
Decided on one and the one,
Letting the one be the one,
Giving everything to the one,
Never saying good bye to it,
Because it's the one.

You lose some,
Some fly too far you ignored,
Too engross with the one,
That you missed the one trying to go,
Holding on so tightly to the one,
Because it's the one,
Not realizing the one is gone,
Long gone far far away,
Not a glimpse back.

You hold some,
You thought you hold some,
Perhaps you do,
But it's only you,
Time to say good bye,
One had move on.

You release one,
Reluctance to lose the feeling,
Cruel reality speaks today,
Truth poured and should be known,
Faced to faced is a must,
For life belongs to no one but you,
To love is not to own but to let go.
To let go and see the one smile again.

Doubts

I just realized that sometimes in life, doing something is something that you cannot judge the worth. As much as you try to evaluate what is important and worth the effort and passion, you will never truly get the answer because everything doesn't just revolves around you. Sometimes you feel like perhaps giving up is the best answer because then you will be opened to the outside and free yourself to give yourself another chance. Again is it that easy to let go? to give up something so that you have judged as part of your life? But then what is the worth of fighting for it when in everything, effort doesn't just need to come from one side? Who cares? I am kind of tired of caring the details of life. May as well free my soul.

5W & 1 H

I asked why is why call why? And what is why when what itself dunno what is it? when will i get my what and why when what and why do not know when or where were what and why found? Who will ever solve this why, what, when and where puzzle? THE answer: Why ask what when i don't know how or who knows where is the answer?

Ps. Why, what, when, where, who and how are simply what we used when all solutions are vagued and lost.

Today as usual, another working day...life has been weird and still troublesome as ever simply because i view it that way but I am cool. I am still cool. I am learning to chill and sort of accept? I have been doing absolutely nothing. I work, watch tvb series, sleep and eat. Life seemed a little dull this way and yes i still think alot. That i supposed is one thing I can never change about myself. I even think while watching series. I think of the significance of the series but i still enjoyed myself ofc. Laughing and crying with its every moment though it is simply just a show was amazing in my opinion. Weird as it may seem, I love them. I feel and understand their emotions. I experienced their fun and all. That is the only way i can get some life out of a life of my own.