LBEFGOIW

The 'List' showed evidence.
The 'Book' reads the memories.
The 'Emotions tells the lie.
The 'Friends' whisper into the ear.
The 'Guy' hides in his lost world.
The 'One' has yet to find it's way.
'I' have yet to wake up
The 'World' is still spinning as it is.

No such thing as not meant to be

Today i made a decision to let go of this locked heart to allow it to grow. I tortured myself long enough and realised that there is no point anymore to try to trap a flying bird, i will let him go. Let him fly far far away and one day when he realised that he actually belongs to the cage, he will come back and if he doesn't, well that is destined. Fated that he came to my life and destined that he left and never come back. O well, o well i finally know how to love. To love someone is not to keep them but to let them go. Let them explore their inner self and know what they want truly and deeply inside. If it's not meant to be, it is just not. Don't force it anymore. Let him go, let your self go. Though it is going to be harder than what you would be willing to experience but it is your choice the moment you promise yourself to love. One has to be responsible for every action they do. You chose to love, you have chose to take pain or happiness. One has to grow up. There is no such as not meant to be, only have such a thing as i give up. If one don't give up but learn to see the beauty of another, trust me love will be there. You made love up. You decide whether you want to love or not. You decide whether it is you or not. You decide whether it is right or not. It is not predetermined. No such thing as not meant to be~ believe

The Gift of Love

A risk is taken today. Beautiful weather turned into dark scary storms that calms down after. What an intense weather. Feelings can be intense too? Can someone control the uncontrollable? People tend to be emotionally affected so deeply till it breaks the core of a soul and spirit! Those who break it will never, never ever understand how hurt one person can be. Those who have the ultimate passion will always go back to the one person they love most regardless how painful or stabbing their hearts felt. Love is such a crazy risk. How can a love so beautiful slip away? How can such passion ran away? How can one feel so much love yet fear and pain? What is this love that kills one yet brings life? So much running in my mind. Love is definitely not the most important concept of life and yet i am feeling so much, so much passion and fear. I am taking a risk to go back instead of jumping off the cliff because i absolutely believe that love conquers all. But am i right? Will i be the foolish lover again? Probably is but loving someone is the greatest gift that God has given me. My life is dedicated to love, loving him, loving family, loving friends, loving those who needs me, loving the world but me. To love others is to sacrifice me. And i die willingly in the name of love. Lord hold me, give me the strength to love others with passion without regrets! Give me the power to help and support others, those who needs me, send me as an angel to them.

Feelings vs Thoughts

One can use the heart to feel so much that they take nothing from the thoughts to decide on something. One can use their mental thoughts so much that nothing they feel can decide a thing in life. Both neither one can live when both see life in such a contrast. Clashes in every step of life from every moment to every decision. Difficulty that seemed like a dead end to every dream shaped in the thoughts. Hopeless feeling and the impossible formed, slowly leeching away the every little love there is. The one that uses the heart, crumbles as the one who uses the mind, slowly doing what seemed logical, coldly. Such undefined torture. It is hard to let the mind control the feelings just as it is hard for the mind to let the feelings out. Just unlucky the infinite battle of feelings vs thoughts will always be there in ones' mind and heart.

Wished

Summer is here and winter had passed. I got to say you are still there, still deep inside there. Good bye seemed to be a useless word. Moving on seemed like a numbing sentence to me. Missing you deep down inside. The refusal of showing the truth to the world can be such a lie to many faces. Such memories to me perhaps nothing to you. Even if it's something, you refuse to break the unbreakable wall. Wished you would try harder. Wished you would always come back. Wished that i am not the only one here hoping to see something still. Wished you would tell me. Wished you were the one. Wished you could feel me. Wished you could understand me. Wished you were blunt and passionate. Wished you and I can be one. Wished for so much but everything is just about you...

Blue blue sky

I see blue sky when i walk,
My head will be staring at it,
As i walk,
i think,
think so deeply wondering what is going through a mind like mine,
N realized that the song in my earphones will determine it,
Konayuki or american flightless bird or 21 guns tomorrow? or perhaps something new?
One never know but i certainly want to be free,
Hopefully soon i will put a new song into my mp3 and see the sky differently.

Ps. O lord, please let the sky be blue tomorrow =) 24/08/2009

Wishing

Wishing hard, very hard for something that is definitely impossible or almost impossible. Hoping that every dream is true and real. Wondering your real thoughts of life. Wishing you back every moment of life knowing you will never be back again...memories to feed the never lasting dream

Kau Ilhamku ~ MAMBAI

Beribu bintang dilangit
Kini menghilang
Meraba aku dalam kelam
Rembulan mengambang
Kini makin suram
Pudar ilhamku tanpa arah

Sedetik wajahmu muncul
Dalam diam
Ada kerdipan ada sinar
Itukah bintang ataupun rembulan
Terima kasih kuucapkan

Izinkan kumencuri bayangan wajahmu
Izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
Maafkanlah oh...
Andai lagu ini
Mengganggu ruangan hidupmu
Kau senyumlah oh...
Sekadar memori
Kita di arena ini
Kau ilhamku
Kau ilhamku...

~Found.Loss.Hold.Release~

You found some,
Grab some and scattered around,
Decided on one and the one,
Letting the one be the one,
Giving everything to the one,
Never saying good bye to it,
Because it's the one.

You lose some,
Some fly too far you ignored,
Too engross with the one,
That you missed the one trying to go,
Holding on so tightly to the one,
Because it's the one,
Not realizing the one is gone,
Long gone far far away,
Not a glimpse back.

You hold some,
You thought you hold some,
Perhaps you do,
But it's only you,
Time to say good bye,
One had move on.

You release one,
Reluctance to lose the feeling,
Cruel reality speaks today,
Truth poured and should be known,
Faced to faced is a must,
For life belongs to no one but you,
To love is not to own but to let go.
To let go and see the one smile again.

Doubts

I just realized that sometimes in life, doing something is something that you cannot judge the worth. As much as you try to evaluate what is important and worth the effort and passion, you will never truly get the answer because everything doesn't just revolves around you. Sometimes you feel like perhaps giving up is the best answer because then you will be opened to the outside and free yourself to give yourself another chance. Again is it that easy to let go? to give up something so that you have judged as part of your life? But then what is the worth of fighting for it when in everything, effort doesn't just need to come from one side? Who cares? I am kind of tired of caring the details of life. May as well free my soul.

5W & 1 H

I asked why is why call why? And what is why when what itself dunno what is it? when will i get my what and why when what and why do not know when or where were what and why found? Who will ever solve this why, what, when and where puzzle? THE answer: Why ask what when i don't know how or who knows where is the answer?

Ps. Why, what, when, where, who and how are simply what we used when all solutions are vagued and lost.

Today as usual, another working day...life has been weird and still troublesome as ever simply because i view it that way but I am cool. I am still cool. I am learning to chill and sort of accept? I have been doing absolutely nothing. I work, watch tvb series, sleep and eat. Life seemed a little dull this way and yes i still think alot. That i supposed is one thing I can never change about myself. I even think while watching series. I think of the significance of the series but i still enjoyed myself ofc. Laughing and crying with its every moment though it is simply just a show was amazing in my opinion. Weird as it may seem, I love them. I feel and understand their emotions. I experienced their fun and all. That is the only way i can get some life out of a life of my own.

For once something real about my life

Today or in fact for many other days, i haven't been writing. I have yet to express my cold feelings. I do not know why or who am i most of the time to tell the world the truth. Do many people know who they are? Anyway, today is a boring day and you know why? Simply cause i am not working. I like it though...cause i owned the house for once...with no one but me only. I slept till late. I again waiting for things. I made bread again but it tasted bad...cause i refuse to use the recipe. I do not understand why i do not want to use the recipe but i suppose i hate to conform to what people ask me to do as much as they are right at times. Perhaps i can call it principle or stubborn? Either one, i shall change soon as one of my new year resolutions. I was reading a friend's blog. She wished for her mum's health to be good soon. I will pray for you too. And i am amazed with your dedication in improving your english. I should learn from you. Life should be viewed in a more confident and positive state. Anyway hope to see you online sometime Eva. Anyway tomorrow i will be working in the pharmacy. At the mean time, i should be sleeping. I should quit thinking for thoughts of many things are never good for life. Life should flow as a river. One cannot force the course of nature. They can choose to go west or east or north or south and no matter how hard one try to push a gushing river to another direction, they never will follow. Alright, probably i will write again tomorrow if i have the mood. All i do today was sleep, eat one meal, watch Maiden's Vow, Naruto, internet, msn, made bread and jelly (can't be eaten...new recipe...fail!) and sleeping soon again...no idea why...i just dun feel like sleeping...too much to feel but no where to express...