Lost

I haven't written for a while. I have been searching for what I want and need in life but I can't seemed to find it. I left Auckland because I didn't know what I wanted and knew that as long as I don't get out of a place, I will always be stuck there. Now I have left to a small, tiny town and I have never felt more conflicted than this. I am going crazy and I need to know what I need to do in life. Everyday I head to work and asked myself, "Is this what I want?" I am alone in this town. I tried to make new friends and tried to join random activities but I can't find my place in the world. Is anyone feeling like that? Perhaps there isn't a place for some people in this world. Not everyone is lucky and not everyone know what they want. Will i ever know? I am not happy and certainly trying very hard to be happy. Everything is going downhill and all I can do is sulk on blogspot. This place I am in contains the most beautiful people I have ever met and yet it is the most depressing place I can be in. Never once have I felt so low regarding life. Definitely a good life experience for me. I just need to see the light and grow out it. I need to grow up and be mature about things. I wrote this to remind myself not to lose myself.  I learned about relationship when I lost a guy that I really loved and I will never forget the pain. I learned about career when I went to my internship and pushed myself to the maximum just to prove that I am not an idiot. And now I learned about loneliness and suffering when you leave and part with everyone close to you and realized that the longer you are here, the more you lose them. I feel that my passion and spirit is slowly seeping away from me. I need something new and exciting in my life. I am not happy and I openly will say it here. I am not at my best and I get stressed out easily, angry and sad. This is not the way to life. I need to do something, for better or worse. I need to find what I am meant to do in this world. Can't be lost forever.

Ps. Keep living in the past and you will lose present and future, live in the future and you will lose present. Live in the present and you will smile today even if there is no guarantee that tomorrow you will smile.